You shall not pass

I finally passed the kidney stone on Friday night, which was my 30th birthday. It looked like a small, red piece of birdseed. It hurt like nothing I've ever experienced. In the ER, I tried to explain the pain in an analogy. Picture Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris. Now try to imagine that through gene-splicing or black magic or what have you, they created a child together. A child with the power of Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris combined. We will call him Destroyer.

Picture Destroyer as an adult who has been training his mind and honing his body his entire life for one purpose and one purpose only: to punch me in the back. Now, imagine Destroyer has been snorting PCP and injecting amphetamines into his scrotum for 3 days straight, then walks up behind me and puts everything he has into one devastating shot to my right kidney. Then, for good measure, he sticks a white-hot shard of glass up my pee-hole. That's what the kidney stone felt like.

Dude, I'm so stoned

So I just had my very first experience with kidney stones, and in all honesty, I don't see what all the fuss is about. I'm not saying it didn't hurt, but I think comparing it to childbirth is going a bit too far.

I woke up this morning feeling like I had been kicked in the pills, then my back started hurting. I complained to my wife and she drove me to the emergency room. I highly recommend Richardson Regional if you're in the area: very clean and very efficient. I had a really cool nurse and a great doctor, they looked at my balls, gave me some pain meds, and sent me off for testing. I was in and out of the hospital in under 3 hours.

I have a 2mm stone that has now passed into my bladder, and each kidney has a 1mm stone that I need to have a urologist review, but it could have been worse. I was expecting a diagnosis of cancer or testicular torsion and that the only medical response is immediate amputation. I guess when you go in to the hospital expecting to have your junk cut off, a kidney stone isn't that bad by comparison.

Can a Leppert change it's spots?

OK, I admit it. I personally don't have anything against Tom Leppert. I just couldn't come up with a more clever title. It was either that or "Leppert Colony" and I just thought that was too much of a jab at lepers everywhere (I have a huge leper following).

Anyway, I voted for the guy, even though he is a Republican, I just thought he was the best guy for the job.

I have to say that I am deeply confused on the issue of the so-called "tax payer owned hotel". Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Will it improve Dallas' economy as Mayor Leppert says, or will poor shmucks like me and you get stuck holding the check, as Anne Raymond of Crow Holdings and Citizens Against the Taxpayer-Owned Hotel says.

And as if the issue itself wasn't confusing enough, the commercials for and against make it almost indecipherable. Is checking "no" on the ballot box a vote for or against the hotel? Does no mean yes or does no mean no? The commercials are terrible and make a confusing issue confusinger.

Frank and Earnest

I can't stand euphemisms and euphemistic language. I don't say African-American when I mean black person, I don't say little people or vertically challenged when I mean midget or dwarf. What is with people who think that changing a title will change the situation? 

Little person seems even worse than midget, at least a midget is unique. A person with dwarfism could suffer from Achondroplasia, Growth hormone deficiency, Spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia congenita, diastrophic dysplasia, pseudoachondroplasia, hypochondroplasia, primordial dwarfism, Turner syndrome, or osteogenesis imperfecta. The midget doesn't normally suffer from these various maladies, but he gets lumped with "little people" and loses his unique quality. 

I don't say big-boned or pleasantly plump when I mean fat ass. I know I'm way behind the curve on this subject, but why can't we just call 'em as we see 'em. 

I don't understand why white is appropriate for white people, but black is not appropriate for black people. Should I insist on being referred to as an Anglo-American? Or European-American? It's dumb and pointless and does nothing to bring people and cultures together. Labels like these only drive us all further apart and create a sense or anxiety and fear around people of other backgrounds and ethnicities. Can't we just be people and do our best to get along? 

Excluding the French, of course. Bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

Nice Figure

So my obsession is finally paying off. I am the new Dallas Action Figure Examiner at www.examiner.com. It's a great website that pays me to rant and rave about action figures, which I would gladly do for free. Check it out, I just published my first article.

http://www.examiner.com/x-8774-Dallas-Action-Figure-Examiner

Wikipedia

Wikipedia is the most amazing website on the planet. I am thoroughly addicted. It's got everything: car repair, child rearing, Bertrand Russell, rugby, the history of pillowcases, suede, Peter Parker, the major exports of Egypt, the Chicago Cubs, Lionel Trains, marriage licenses, Xanax, fleece, geese, Greece, Grease 2, and the Oxford Comma. Granted, the source material may be the stream of consciousness fever dream of a crackhead with a broadband connection, it's still pretty damned interesting. Viva la Wikipedia!

The Purpose

I try to keep on top of this blog to maintain my tenuous grasp on my sanity. More specifically, I keep on top of this blog in order to maintain my wife's grasp on her sanity (That's right ladies, he's married).