The Big JC

I think it's lame when people say they want to meet Jesus. You see that question all the time -- "name three people you would want to have dinner with"?

"Uh, the guy who invented the Slinky, Frank Stallone, and Our Lord in Heaven, Jesus Christ."

Jesus spoke Aramaic, so there would probably be a good-sized language barrier. Other than that, what would you even talk about? He lived 2,007 years ago, so he probably hasn't seen any recent movies. Plus, he'd probably be real preachy, and that gets old pretty fast.

The W II

Did anyone watch the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner last night? The W was joking about what a piss-poor job he and his cronies have done!

"A year ago my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee for the Supreme Court had just withdrawn, and my vice president had shot someone," President Bush said Wednesday night during the annual gathering.

"Ah," he said, "those were the good ol' days."
This is funny?!?! With a progress report like this, The W would have been fired from any company in America. But since he's the "leader" of the free world, he's allowed to be a complete fuck-up?

Say what you will about Bill Clinton (the greatest president of the 20th century), but at least he gave us 8 years of prosperity and unprecedented economic growth. I'd say the guy deserves an oval office blowjob now and then.

The W

How can anyone in their right mind support the president? If you are a fan of the W, then you are stupid. And that's all there is to it. How many times do we have to be lied to by this incompetent prick and his corrupt advisors before he is impeached. Although, I don't think impeaching the W would make much of a difference, because Darth Cheney is pulling the strings in Washington. The W is just like us (although much less intelligent), being played like a cheap guitar. Hilary and Barack would be terrific presidents, but I just don't think the morons that make up the majority of the voting public will have it. I urge anyone who reads this to register to vote and then VOTE! It's your civic fucking duty! Even if you are a Republican, you have to vote.

More on Anna Nicole

The fucking judge was crying! Why does he care? Is he the father? Maybe I'm the father. Maybe its the Bahamian Minister of Immigration (he totally boned her, you know it).
The most infuriating aspect of the Anna Nicole Smith Saga is that I am actually following it and writing about it. I could give two shits about this gold digging waste of space. But here I am, spending time that I should be working to write about a heartwrenching custody battle. Boo hoo.

And does it really matter where you're buried? You're dead, what the fuck do you care? They could grind me into a fine paste and use me as low-grade cat food. I don't care, I'm dead. And why is her mother trying to get her buried in Texas? So she can be interred with the rest of her hillbilly, shit-kicker family? If I had to choose between a Caribbean island or next to the septic tank in the backyard of a mobile home, I'm sorry, but I gotta go Caribbean.

She's Tits Up

So Anna Nicole Smith bit the big one. Someone tell me why this is news. And why, after almost two weeks, it's still news. I don't get it. She had big tits. And that's it. Why is she a national treasure all of a sudden? She didn't cure cancer or put an end to war. She just had big tits. I didn't care about her when she was alive, and I'm even less interested now that she's become one with the Force. Get this shit off my television. I can't even watch CNN without hearing about a custody battle. No less than THREE men think they are the father. Now her hillbilly parents are involved, so everyone in the country who sees these two dipshits think they are representative of the majority of Texans, that we all wear ten-gallon hats and have single-digit IQs. Get this shit off my television. How about some news on our lying, incompetent, monkey-faced president and how he is systematically destroying the country. I guess that's not as sexy as big tits.